Homestays – The Fast Track to Discovering the French Version of Yourself

The first time I heard about the concept of a homestay was when I was in Tanzania.

A sending agency, separate from the one I’m a part of, required new overseas workers to live with people from the host country for a time. They believed it is crucial for new people to bond with the host country rather than with an expatriate culture or something else. I loved the idea and implemented it with new teams that joined us in Tanzania as well as when I moved to Paris. 

While homestays are very difficult, they bring about a deeper level of compassion and understanding among new overseas workers. There is a huge difference between being in someone’s house and living with them and that difference helped me to discover the French version of myself. 

I first met Lula (not her real name) through the recommendation of a stranger. I had hoped to live with a family, so when I heard there was an older woman willing to rent out a room, I decided to be frank with her. I told her I was looking for more than just a room to rent. I hoped to have meals with her occasionally and have more of a family experience. She agreed to this. 

I don’t think I would have reached such a deep understanding of certain nuances of French culture without her mentorship. I learned about friendship, neighborly interactions, how to prepare food or offer it to guests, beauty, the value of gardening, and so much more. 

I also learned about things that I may not have interacted with otherwise that now give me a wider viewpoint of French culture. The retirement system and how it affects older people are examples of this. If I had started my time in Paris in my own apartment, there are hundreds of things I would not have understood as well as I do now. 

Don’t get me wrong. It is quite possible to immerse yourself in a new culture without doing a homestay, but I have seen firsthand how living with a local can speed up your learning and teach you things you may not have learned otherwise. 

Instead of me imputing my American-ness on my neighbors, I could apply what I saw and learned from Lula, whether that be how to offer cheese to my guests after a meal or how to interact with strangers. My familiarity with French culture even helped me interact with my new landlord and neighbors once I moved out of Lula’s home. I still make cultural mistakes, but I am definitely less foreign in the way I present myself. 

I don’t want to give the impression that homestays are easy. This is not a cultural get rich quick advertisement. The process is very hard. A sense of loss and pain is experienced when you allow yourself to truly change your culture and you find the French version of yourself. It’s challenging to be sure. But the reward is great.

In the end, it comes down to this: you want to be the kind of global worker that is not getting in the way of the gospel. A homestay helps you get there. 

Here are some things I found helpful during my homestay:

• Setting a deadline. Decide how long you want your homestay to last ahead of time. 

• Taking a vacation. Stay somewhere else for a few nights once in a while.

• Letting your host show you how to do things without trying to correct them or show them how you usually do something.

• Being patient with yourself and with them.

• Having someone you can talk to once a week to share your thoughts with. Someone who has been through this process before or really values it is best. 

• Constantly reminding yourself that there will be a return. Keep your eyes on the goal.

• Laughing at yourself and letting people laugh at you. 

Here are a few questions to ask and consider in your own life and ministry:

• What lengths will you go to make the gospel the thing you represent most? 

• What actions do you take to love people better?

• How did Jesus respond to the culture of his day? 

Book Recommendation:

Language Acquisition Made Practical by Brewster. This is an older book, but a lot of the research is still considered helpful.

Philippians 3:14 (ESV) “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

WRITTEN BY:
KATHY IN COLLABORATION WITH AMANDA BIGLEY